A conversation

D: When did it go wrong?

M: about the time she admitted to having drunkenly slept with someone else.

D: But you two weren’t together… So why did it bother you?

M: Picture this, someone tells you they miss you and that if only you knew how strongly they felt about you, you’d feel secure about them going out t a club. This is after you’re aware of how they can’t handle their drink or attention from men. This person tells you that nothing will happen but your conversation ends on a sour note. Then they don’t talk to you for a whole day, and that night they go and screw someone else.

The next day, they show you an excessive amount of affection and go to your closest friend to try and figure you out. While trying to show their affection they tell you how someone tried to kiss them but they stopped said person because they could only feel you in the club. Later, in a moment of anger they tell you what they did and that they hope it hurt you.

Would that bother you?

D: I see…

M: No, I don’t think you do. You see my anger, it’s quite evident. You can hear my disgust. But you can’t see the images that my mind conjures. You can’t see the pangs of pain I’m experiencing every second because not only is this just a terrible incident coupled with the ruthless delivery, but it’s similar to something that was done to me in the past.

D: So, is it the fact that it happened to you in the past, and you managed to let it happen again that angers you the most?

M: no, I’m a masochist. I enjoy being emotionally wrecked. What do you think?

D: Well, if I may… (M nods) Thank you, I think you’re angry because you think you opened up to both these people and they let you down. It’s clear from your rational analysis of how you explained things to me, you’re very aware of your emotions and you like to be in control of them. This being clear to me without any professional reasoning. Therefore, other people who, let’s say, you are intimate with will be able to pick up on it too and therefore, they won’t ever be sure whether you’re being genuine or contrived with them.

M: people need to stop being so dimwitted then.

D: No, you need to stop wearing different masks to different people. These masks are merging and soon, no one will know what your real face is. You run the risk of not knowing yourself.

M: You still haven’t concluded as to whether I’m write or wrong.

D: It’s not about you being right or wrong. You were hurt, quite deeply, by this event and it reopened a wound from your past. You need to just acknowledge it and stop trying to deal with it. It will consume you only if you keep thinking of it.

M: Oh cause it’s so easy to not.

D: Of course not, don’t block the memory, but don’t over-think it every single time. It happened, nothing will change that. But you can choose to stagnate, or you can choose to move on and life your life.

M: you’ve been of no help.

D: I never really am.

M: This whole thing has been utterly pointless. I’m still angry, upset and disgusted. Whatever.


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2 comments on “A conversation

  1. E says:

    I was touched reading this – I miss you. I think D is right, you can’t change what happened or what they did to you, but you have control over where you go from here. Do you really want this person to ruin even more of your time? Your time and emotion is not worth being expended on this – blow off steam, write some sad piano pieces but don’t linger and simmer in it. So not worth it mate. -E

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