To any non brown person, or to any brown person better known as a coconut, let me clear a misconception up for you.
While it is true that have a large family, it is untrue that everyone out there is just another extension of my family. I don’t know about you, but I make it a point to ensure I’m not dating the daughter of my mother’s sister. What I’m basically trying to allude to is, as a desi it is an inherent attribute that leads
me to call everyone older than me Uncle & Aunty.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, hello! I hope you are well and continuing to avoid diseases such as “fatness” and “boredom.” I tend to travel to India once in a while and when I do, I comstantly wonder why I’m such a patriotic and proud Indian. No, I’m fine
with the 5000 different kinds of gravies and the random cows on the road (there I said it. Happy now you stereotyping bas****s?). What I loathe is the people, their backward mentalities and their love for contrived conversations. Seriously, how hard is it to make small talk that they refer to the same things time and time again. For example;
Uncle: Beta! Look at you! Do you remember me!? I saw you when you were (gesticulate like a mad scientist describing a particle of air)
Then they proceed to pull you into an embrace that feels more like an attempt at asphyxiation. This sums up the beggining of every conversation I have with an Uncle or an Aunty. To think people praised Denzel Washington in deja vu, every NRI kid deserves a life time achievment award.
Recetly though, I was done. I decided
to play the game and avoid a deja vu moment.
Me: Uncle! So good to see you! Remember me!? I saw you last when you had a full head of hair!
That, to parody Bruce Almighty, is the way the biryani cooks. So shocked was the old fellow that I was saved from asphyxiation or a test to examine the elasticity of my cheeks.