Defining words is one thing, defining relationships is another. But try defining yourself… well if you know who you are then, congratulations, psychologists would classify you as insane, I on the other hand, applaud you.
I am whatever you say I am.
I think therefore I am
The two quotes above merely avoid a question more bizzare and perplexing than any exam question; “who am I?” truth it, I don’t quite know who I am and perhaps this is the corner stone of my everlasting dissatisfaction. I seem to be average at most things, a terminal disappointment to my parents and a “friend for the sake of friendship” type of person. Not exactly the characteristics of a nobel laureate.
When I write, I feel removed from my body and replaced by someone who can manipulate words into effective sentences and mould those sentences into pieces worth perusing.
When I play a sport, I feel akin to a spectator constantly critiquing my decisions and strategies and conjuring up alternatives.
When I interact with people, I am not talking to them but merely playing out different scenarios in my mind as to what will be their reactions to my actions. Sometimes, I seem to deliberately experiment and say something bluntly or with the purpose of instigating the receiver. It is clear then that people know fragments of me, shards of a broken mirror that hides, exceptionally well, my true reflection. Yet are my disguises a self portrait, or have the slew of pseudo-me’s forever buried away the real personality behind the disguise?
It is clear then that I am flawed, and for all the good one may see in me, I am able to highlight primarily the negatives. But I’ve just told you I enjoy experimenting with what I say; so am I playing the role of a psychological liar or am I exposing myself and being, simply put, candid?
Whatever it is, I believe I don’t know myself and if ever asked to define myself in three words I would respond “work in progress.” But forget about me, who are you? Do you know? Do you even want to know?
A character named Owen in a tv show titled One Tree Hill asked a pertinent question “what’s underneath all the clothes?”
If you move past the obviously perverse answers from the lining of your depraved mentalities, you might be intrigued and surprised by the answers that await you.