A friend of mine is infatuated with a girl. In a few days, he’ll be marking the one year anniversary, not of the successful relationship, but in remembrance of the day he realized he began his free – fall.
For him, the year has been a roller coaster ride devoid of pleasure. However, he refuses to get off the ride, instead clinging onto some invisible thread, which ultimately brought him sleepless nights, an empty wallet and a get well soon card. The question remains though, was he infatuated with the idea of the person or the reality?
Having placed her on a pedestal and overlooked all her flaws, he created an image so powerful that the reality he interacted became an idea and vice versa. This is something seen in too many relationships.
We choose to see a well acted Facebook profile, with a carefully chosen picture to accompany a meticulously prepared information page. We choose to see a resume of perfection simply because we are desperate to see what we want to see. So desperate are we that we overlook the gaps and negative data as misinterpretations or falsifications created by outsiders. Even when exposed to the reality that the person is harnessing our affection to overcome obstacles in their life, we chose to believe that it is simply because they feel the same way and would care for us when the time arrives.
The image we ultimately view is the final version of a movie presented to us at a cinema, with the plot moving towards a constant happy ending. Therefore, like my friend, we forget that the happy ending is only for the actors and actresses. A happy ending paid for with our hard earned money, emotions and time.
The idea might be wonderful but that pedestal you put them on is something they will eventually fall from. When they do fall, they will fall on you and crush your dreams and the reality will be the salt in your wounds. When you look behind their mask and you look at the reality, it might not be great, but it is not a construct destined to destroy you.
Look for the architects of reality. Not the architects of your misery.