Be Good. Always.

Your absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle; everything I do now is stitched with that color.

I felt choked & helpless watching tears flow down your face as you moved further away from me.

There’s a void that you left that cannot be breached & only widening. You left me with a lifetime worth of memories. I remember the first evening that we spent together; it was neither love at first sight or first night, it was a click; recognition. Recognition of someone to trust, cherish, hold, adore, respect & admire. Recognition of something worth fighting for, someone worth falling for. You, in such a short time, encompassed so many roles in my life; colleague, competitor, friend girlfriend, lover & an everlasting object of desire.

I suppose this is just a note of thanks because being with you was like a privilege and the pleasure is all mine.

You still are just too good to be true,

Still can’t keep my eyes off of you.

Thank you for letting me experience the complete butterfly effect. I cannot even describe how much I’ll miss you. When you left, we didn’t say anything because there was such an awful lot to say, and no language to say it in.

Always,

N

But.

I could kiss you in every language,

Love you in every way,

Tell the world that you’re the only one who matters.

Fill my mouth with your name,

But,

4 years and no future,

That’s a summary of us.

If only this reality was inaccurate; instead,

It’s not even adequate.

Obliterating Obstacles

I aspire to inspire before I expire,

To reach the stars fueled by desire,

To tell the truth even if it’s easier to be a liar,

They’re selling easier options, but I’m not their buyer,

To fail honorably rather than being labelled a quitter; not a trier.

The depths of the ocean could not douse my passion’s fire,

I strive, I seek, I soar no matter how dire

the situation, for I cannot be broken, I am not a crier.

 

I shall rise from the depths and go higher. Higher, HIGHER. 

 

 

 

i wrote this for you

I tasted the rain today and remembered your kiss during the first rain of last summer.

I watched the clouds pass, tracing your skin across their depths.

I watched the flame from a lighter burn a cigarette and remembered how we burned in the fire of our passion.

I left a crossword spot blank because the answer was love and our love could never fit into a puzzle; it had no rationale, no explanation, no solution.

I wanted to write this for you, but the words told me ‘no, no, no, do not write us, we do not want to be written just yet.’ So I sojourned patiently, as I did when I waited for you.

And then I saw leaves fall as the season changed. I saw them crumple and I saw people walk past them, ignorant and uncaring. Just as we walked past the world we had so delicately nourished only a season ago.

They say love can mend everything. They forgot to say love can destroy anything.

Right Words

One day I’ll find the right words,

And it will be simple.

I’ll put them in a specific order,

And it will be simple.

I’ll give them limited but precise grammar,

And it will be simple.

I’ll create a noteworthy quote,

And it will be simple.

I’ll be a creator, a destroyer

And it will be simple.

Or…

One day I’ll tell the truth,

And it will be difficult.

 

A Festive Message

As the sunsets over many a place,

Smiles remain on many a face.

The day may darken,

With your loved ones near

Don’t let the night be silent,

Sing along with the angels.

Color in the Dark

And enjoy the Holiday cheer.

 

 

A perpetual dance.

“… you just get better with time,

want you to write a book about us”

It was closing in on 3 am in the morning but the smile on his face could have replaced the impending sunrise. A few clicks later his word document was open and for an hour his fingers danced, waltzing memories across the keyboard, tap dancing in punctuation and a bit of free-styling emotion.

At the end of the hour, his heart beating like the rhythm of tribal drums, he inserted a full stop and reclined in his seat. Having read over what he had written, his recent emotional high seemed like a distant memory. The pages he had written were not part of a story, they were not an epic tale consisting of a myriad of memories, they were simply an enduring love letter.

It seemed as if he was under the illusion that he could never truly lose someone if he wrote about them enough. However, by inking her into eternity, he was simply making love to her with prose and in doing so, his writing in those pages showed him how much he had lost.

He took his glasses off and laid them over the keyboard, a sign of resignation. Remembering what she said, he shut his eyes and drifted away.

You never know the outcome.
I want the world to know… to know
Our story.

Christmas in the desert of grief

Christmas in the desert of grief,

Fruitless, baron but thankfully brief.

 

Seems like I was inserted within quotations marks

In a story full of exclamations and artificial parks.

 

Metallic buildings hiding badly constructed personalities

Price tags and brand labels dressing up naked and scarred realities.

 

I’ve been told lies by prettier places,

with towers longer than a prisoner’s last night on death row.

I’ve seen many prettier faces,

But none like yours, with your perpetually electric glow.

 

You there, you’re a dirty car

Making your way to that glittery bar

With those wheels, you won’t ever need

Catastrophes, what attracted you here will be the reason for your discontent

The place you thought you’d love, you will come to resent.

You’ll get cheated on like some high school test,

To keep you ignorant, you’ll be worked without any prospect of rest.

 

But the weather is good and you’ll continue to smile,

You’ll go to the beach and sip your designer coffee for a while.

Enjoy your Christmas in this desert of grief,

You’ll be gone soon.

 

Balcony Musings

Staring out over an overcast yet magnificent vista, I wished for a miracle that would freeze time and allow me to remain transfixed. My mind was full of appreciation for the beauty ahead of me, both natural and man made. However, wishes weren’t sufficient enough floats and the ticking clock drowned me, submerging me in the pool of reality. The doubts and uncertainties came flooding back, wave after unrelenting wave.

Perhaps, you were just my el nino; wild win and rain too big to handle but too powerful to escape. My desire to find solace with you, within you was setting me on fire because you belonged elsewhere. You were just a passing experience, so beautiful that the destruction you left in your wake was mistakenly assumed by your victims to be self inflicted.

To lavish you with gifts and to enjoy you was to bankrupt one of their long-term happiness. But then, maybe it would be wise to simply embrace relational uncertainty. It’s called romance.

…Even if it’s not for me to indulge in.

Haiku

It was about reading between the lines, it was about the intricacies. It was about the subtleties that hid themselves so explicitly within the complexities. A juxtaposition of images with a cutting word in between. You were almost like a haiku: said so little, but meant so much. Just when I reach a moment of clarity; it’s over, nothing left to touch. A bitter aftertaste, so much potential, but such a premature ending that everything ended up as waste.